Saving Brother Jesus

Oh !  The list of things to be undone once we do get a proper time machine !  Who cares these days about the butterfly effect, when we have the multiple Universe scenario ? Reality equals the sum of all the possible probabilities, and my tiny tweak in the past is very unlikely to alter anything – its already been accounted for.

I use the best scientific (or religious, for that matter) theory to suit my nefarious purposes, and when you marry politics and religion (or the lack of it, like Hitler did), you end up with Crusades, the Church of England, Communism and 9/11. Is there a logical difference between Joan of Arc and Osama Bin Laden ?

Coming back to the time machine, the first thing to be done is to undo the first flap of the butterfly’s wings that started all

the world’s religious problems. Saving Brother Jesus ! Obliterate Pontius Pilate and the scourge known as the Romans from the Middle East ! Even worse than the Americans, bloody pestilence, how dare they nail him on the Cross ? After erasing the Romans (with nuclear warheads – they would not die any other way) and instating Jesus as the King of the Jews, once  our mission is over and Peace would have reigned on Earth.

The only fallacy is, after coming back from the past and leaving Jesus unharmed and probably obscure for all Eternity, what would our Neo-Crusader brother call themselves ? The Cult of the Empty Cross ? The Delusionists ? Crusaders without a known cause ?

That’s the fun of fighting for Peace, even Jesus is helpless in our Hands !

Who says money cannot buy you happiness ?

It is total anti-capitalist horseshit that money cannot buy you happiness - the worst kind of self-delusional concocted propaganda that the  hopelessly stuck-in-the-middle types placate themselves with.  The truth is, the kind of happiness that lots of money generates – the ‘look World, how successful I am – so worship me’ type of happiness is  deeply ingrained and Darwinian. Anyone denying that is bullshitting.

However the pursuit of happiness too brings another kind of happiness, which a lot of us, a substantial chunk of us, are familiar with. Infact, its a personal choice whether we pursue money, happiness or  both. It depends on our internal frame of reference. The Buddha Siddhartha was a rich guy, and before giving everything up, he had lots of everything – money, girlfriends, cars (or its nearest equivalent), power … you name it. And it was money which bought him the happiness of giving everything up and search for Nirvana.  

I believe that the happiest amongst us are are those who can draw the boundary lines between the kinds of happiness to look for. Happiness is there in throwing food up, having wild orgies in your nineties, inheriting money from your husband you just killed,  reading this blog, fighting for peace and writing free software to bring Bill Gates down !

Master Buddha Gates is not a fictional character – he embodies the soul and spirit of Enlightenment : when people can give up their inheritance and enormous wealth solely for the pursuit of self-knowledge. Going back to my earlier premise – money can buy us happiness, particularly when we prepared  the give up the right sum for it !  I agree however that Buddha need not necessarily have gone to Mars looking for it; he was giving up a bit too much. But then again, he is a Gates – how much is too much ?

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The Planet of the Killer Apes

If I had a choice of planets to live on, Terra Firma would firmly be at the bottom of my list. Safety, amongst other reasons would be at the top of my list for extra-terrestial migration. Is there no such thing as global intelligence ?  How can you otherwise possibly explain that 16o million people have been  killed in warfare in  the same century that saw the discovery of the DNA,  the flight to the moon and back and realized that the search for Reality extends from the inside of the atom to the outermost stretches of the known universe ?

The answer my friend, is flowing in our genes. We are natural born killers, homicidal lunatics kept in leash only by fears of  our own destruction or being locked up.  But as Charles Darwin showed us how to defend our worst behaviours,  we are descended from those killer apes who survived by killing other competing apes off.  It paid in the wild to kill other species, but the fact that we are still doing so within our own species indicates that beyond Darwin, there must be another reason.

I believe that we are genetically programmed to believe that if large groups of us worked together at it, killing is okay. It becomes legitimate – the Catholic Church, Hitler, Saddam Hussain and even the U.S. Army in Vietnam believed that they were killing on justified, legitimate grounds !

But in the fact that individually (barring a few psychopaths) killing still terrifies most of us, lies hope.  We have reached a stage where we can evolve beyond our genes, as we have the power to change the environment where such ‘group killer’ genes can get the chance to express themselves. If the jungle is gone, does it make sense to let the beast survive ?

There will  never be any such thing as World Peace, as there will never be any United States of Mankind.  But  there can surely be things like global intelligence, a global sense of what’s right and what’s wrong and an agreement about what’s best for us. So that scared Earthlings like myself do not have to wish for other planets they could migrate to.

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Why the aliens have always been out to get Big Brother.

I have always found it a bit odd that very few UFO’s get ever reported from China, with a comparable land mass and an uncomparably larger population than Big Brother. May be, while our American brothers actively seek out alien contacts they are more prone to stumbling upon unfamiliar airborne vehicles in the night sky (daytime UFOs are still mostly a Hollywood phenomena).

What I find intriguing is why most aliens choose America as their first point of contact – with good or bad intentions. And why the FBI supposedly spend billions (if not trillions) trying to suppress their privileged status. Personally, I would be proud to shake a hand with three fingers that originates from outside the solar system, nope- that’s way too optimistic, even outside the stratosphere. Deeply moved by appointment as the representative of  mankind, may be even our galaxy or stellar cluster.

Is it a way of stating that the rest of us are not important enough ? If I understand the Chinese correctly, if a ‘higher civilization’ does make contact with Beijing, they would keep the matter under wraps till some useful ‘marketable’ technology could be extracted, then bring in the Americans, who have the requisite chutzpah in dealing with such matters. But tired of being considered as the hoi polloi when it comes to 

unearthly encounters of the Superior kind, its time for the rest of the world to protest against this ingrained cultural injustice perpetrated by the ‘free’ stock market driven media.

There are other places for UFOs to consider, apart from Capitol Hill,  White House  or the Pentagon when launching a friendly attack (let America handle the nasty ones) – the Eiffel Tower, Buckingham palace (when the Queen is away to Balmoral, God bless her !), the Great wall of China, the Taj Mahal, the Sydney Harbour Bridge or even the lap of the Kamakura Buddha near Tokyo, if the mission is a particularly peaceful one.

But I refuse to acknowledge planetary leadership games to stand in the way of something as profound as intergalactic civilizations coming face to face. Its a  future heritage for the whole species, not just a self-appointed few.

Cheers for peace in the middle-east

I am convinced that the if God wanted peace in the Middle-East, he shouldn’t have parted the Red Sea for Moses. The Israelites should have stayed back in Egypt. They would have been assimilated in the mainstream , and over the next few centuries a powerful pan Hellenistic-Hebrew empire would have risen, which would have meant  Jesus would not have risen in rebellion. In turn, there would not be any such thing as Christianity, and optimistically, no Islam either. The whole region would have had turned into  one atheistic melting pot by now, as Europe would not have plunged the world into the Dark Ages, and the Americans would not have plunged the Middle East into a crisis. As there would have been no good ‘Christian’ Americans ‘caught up’ in a terrible conflict.

 

I laud America’s efforts to bring peace in the middle-east. To Ted for vending neurotoxins, likewise : the hours of invincibility and Supermanhood it brings to me.

Peace is an ideal cherished only under influence, like I get when I’m across the bar with Ted, having  downed a significant few. John Lennon believed in world peace seriously, unfortunately, I cannot afford being stoned all the time. But I do have my moments of inspiration : I have dreamt of Jesus, Moses and Mohammed shake hands and boot the Americans out of the Middle East.

Hey its a local problem. The American economy must continue to flourish, but the peace joke must stop !

Launching into blogosphere !

I have serious work left to do catching up with my mid-life crisis. Exhausted by my struggle to maintain middle-class decency, this was my one legitimate chance to slip into infamy, disrepute and disorderliness. Cavorting and guzzling, spinning roulette wheels and plucking g-strings, my life would have found meaning through despair and desolation that characterizes many single men at my age.

But instead, I decide to unleash this blog, which aims sadly, to be funny. At an age I should be popping Valium, marvelling at the meaninglessness of life, I am appointing myself to be the newest jester of Blogosphere – The Pensive Humorist.

Life is too short to be unfunny, and I intend to prove it !